When a Spouse Has Special Needs
Since I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, my husband has had to do all the secular work. But he never talks to me about our bills. Why does he leave me completely in the dark like this? Our finances must be in such bad shape that he knows I’ll panic if I find out.—Nancy.
MARRIAGE can be a challenge, but when one mate becomes chronically ill while the other remains healthy, complications can multiply.
Are you caring for an infirm mate? If so, do any of the following questions worry you: ‘How will I cope if my mate’s health declines even further? How long can I continue to take care of my mate and also do all the cooking, cleaning, and secular work? Why do I feel guilty for being the healthy one?’
On the other hand, if you are the ailing spouse, you might wonder: ‘How can I respect myself when I’m unable to carry my load of responsibility? Does my mate resent me for being sick? Is our happiness as a couple over?’
Sadly, some marriages have not survived the strain caused by a chronic illness. Yet, this does not mean that your marriage is doomed to failure.
Many couples survive and even thrive despite the presence of a chronic ailment. Consider, for example, Yoshiaki and Kazuko. A spinal injury rendered Yoshiaki unable to make even the slightest movement without assistance. Kazuko explains: “My husband needs assistance with everything.
As a result of caring for him, my neck, shoulders, and arms ache, and I am an outpatient at an orthopedic hospital. I often feel that caregiving is overwhelming.” Despite the difficulties, however, Kazuko says: “Our bond as a couple has become stronger.”
What, then, is the key to happiness under such circumstances? For one thing, those who retain a healthy measure of satisfaction and contentment in their marriage view the illness as an assault not only on the ailing spouse but on the two of them as a couple. After all, if one mate is sick, both are deeply affected, even if in different ways.
This interdependent relationship between a husband and wife is described at Genesis 2:24: “A man will leave his father and his mother and he must stick to his wife and they must become one flesh.” Thus, when a spouse has an ongoing physical ailment, it is critical that both husband and wife work together to meet the challenge.
Additionally, research shows that couples who maintain a good relationship in the face of chronic illness accept their situation and learn effective ways to adapt to it. Many of the coping skills that they have learned echo the timeless advice found in the Bible
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